I sabotaged the biggest opportunity I’d ever had.
A potential client reached out—someone who could have paid me more for one project than I usually made in three months. The work was in my wheelhouse. I had the skills. I had the time. It should have been a dream scenario.
But instead of being excited, I felt terrified.
I delayed responding to their email. When I finally did respond, I was weirdly non-committal. I quoted a price that was too low (unconsciously making myself less valuable). I missed a follow-up call. I was vague about my availability.
Unsurprisingly, they went with someone else.
And I felt this strange mix of relief and devastation. Relief because I didn’t have to face whatever I was afraid of. Devastation because I’d just watched myself destroy an opportunity I desperately needed.
This wasn’t the first time. I had a pattern of getting close to real success—real money—and then finding a way to sabotage it. Not consciously. Not deliberately. But consistently enough that I couldn’t pretend it was just bad luck anymore.
I was afraid of success. Specifically, I was afraid of making more money.
And until I understood what I was actually afraid of—what making more money threatened in my subconscious—I was going to keep repeating this pattern. Keep getting close. Keep pulling back. Keep staying stuck at a level of income that felt “safe” even though it wasn’t actually serving me.
The fear wasn’t rational. It wasn’t logical. But it was powerful enough to override everything I consciously wanted. And it wasn’t going to go away just because I told myself to “stop being afraid” or “just go for it.”
I had to understand the fear. Face it. Work through it. Because my subconscious was treating financial success like a threat to my survival, and it was doing everything it could to protect me from that perceived danger.
What Success Actually Threatened
For the longest time, I couldn’t articulate what I was afraid of. I just knew that when opportunities for more money showed up, I felt panicked and found ways to avoid them.
But when I started paying attention—really examining what came up when I got close to making more money—I started to see patterns.
I was afraid of being seen.
When you’re struggling financially, you can stay under the radar. Nobody pays much attention to you. You’re not a target for judgment or criticism or envy.
But when you start making real money? People notice. People have opinions. People watch what you do with it. And that visibility felt dangerous.
I’d spent most of my life trying to be invisible. Trying not to draw attention. Trying not to stand out. Success—especially financial success—meant being seen. And being seen meant being vulnerable to all the things I’d spent years protecting myself from.
I was afraid of losing my identity.
I’d been “the struggling one” for so long. The person who worked hard but never quite made it. The one who was always hustling, always stressed about money, always just getting by.
That identity was painful, but it was familiar. I knew how to be that person. I knew what to expect. I knew the rules.
Success threatened that identity. If I made good money, who would I be? How would I relate to people? Would I still fit in with my friends and family? Would I become someone I didn’t recognize?
My subconscious saw changing my financial identity as a threat to my sense of self. Better to stay struggling and familiar than succeed and become someone unknown and potentially alone.
I was afraid of outgrowing people I loved.
This one hurt to admit. But if I was honest, part of my fear of making more money was the fear that I’d outgrow my family and friends.
Most of the people in my life struggled financially. We bonded over our struggles. We understood each other’s stress. We supported each other through hard times.
But what would happen if I succeeded and they didn’t? Would they resent me? Would I become someone they couldn’t relate to anymore? Would I lose the connections that mattered most to me?
My subconscious was convinced that financial success meant losing my people. And it wasn’t willing to let that happen, even if it meant keeping me stuck.
I was afraid I couldn’t handle the responsibility.
More money meant more decisions. More complexity. More ways to mess it up. More pressure to manage things correctly.
When you’re broke, financial decisions are simple: you do what you have to do to survive. But when you start making real money, suddenly there are choices. Investments. Tax implications. Long-term planning.
All of that felt overwhelming. What if I made the wrong choices? What if I mismanaged it? What if I succeeded financially but then lost it all because I didn’t know how to handle it?
Better to never have it than to have it and lose it, my subconscious reasoned. At least staying at my current level was predictable. I knew how to manage barely getting by. I didn’t know how to manage success.
I was afraid I’d become a different person—and not a good one.
I’d seen what money did to some people. How it changed them. Made them selfish, disconnected, obsessed with status. I’d watched people get more money and become versions of themselves that were harder to like.
And I was terrified that would happen to me. That if I made more money, I’d lose the qualities I valued in myself. That I’d become materialistic, shallow, disconnected from what really mattered.
So my subconscious kept me from making more money to protect my values, my integrity, my sense of who I was. Even though staying broke wasn’t actually protecting those things—it was just making me stressed and resentful.
The “What If It Doesn’t Make Me Happy” Fear
One of the deepest fears I had about making more money was this: what if I succeed financially and I’m still unhappy?
As long as I was struggling with money, I had an explanation for why life was hard. Of course I was stressed—I didn’t have enough money. Of course I was unhappy—I was constantly worried about bills. Of course I felt stuck—I couldn’t afford to make changes.
Money was the reason I wasn’t happy. And that meant if I could just fix the money problem, everything else would fall into place.
But what if I made more money and I was still unhappy? What if the stress didn’t go away? What if I still felt stuck and frustrated and unfulfilled?
That would mean the problem wasn’t money. The problem was me. Something fundamentally broken inside me that money couldn’t fix.
And that possibility was terrifying. Because as long as I could blame external circumstances—lack of money—I didn’t have to face deeper questions about who I was and what I actually needed to be happy.
Success threatened to expose that. To strip away the excuse and force me to confront the possibility that I was the common denominator in my own unhappiness.
So my subconscious kept me from succeeding. Kept me focused on the struggle for money. Kept the external problem front and center so I didn’t have to look at the internal one.
How Self-Sabotage Kept Me “Safe”
Once I understood what I was afraid of, I could see how perfectly designed my self-sabotage was to protect me from those fears.
Missing opportunities for more money meant I stayed invisible. Stayed in my familiar struggling identity. Stayed connected to my people. Avoided the complexity and responsibility. Avoided finding out whether money would actually make me happy.
The self-sabotage wasn’t random. It was strategic. My subconscious had figured out exactly what behaviors would keep me from succeeding financially, and it deployed them with precision every time I got close.
Procrastinating on important projects. Being non-committal with potential clients. Undercharging for my work. Not following up on opportunities. Doing mediocre work when I was capable of excellent work. Creating drama or problems that derailed progress.
All of these behaviors served the same purpose: keep me from making more money. Keep me safe from the dangers my subconscious associated with financial success.
And the brilliant thing (from my subconscious’s perspective) was that I could blame external factors. Bad timing. Difficult clients. Just not the right fit. The economy. Other people’s decisions.
I didn’t have to admit I was afraid. I didn’t have to face the self-sabotage. I could just keep believing that success wasn’t happening to me because of circumstances outside my control.
But it wasn’t outside my control. I was the one sabotaging. I was the one creating the circumstances that kept me stuck. My subconscious was doing it to protect me, but the protection was keeping me trapped.
The Success That Finally Forced Me to Face the Fear
The pattern broke when I couldn’t sabotage fast enough.
An opportunity came in that moved too quickly for my usual sabotage tactics. Before I could overthink it, procrastinate on it, or create problems with it, I was already committed. Already doing the work. Already on track to make significantly more money than I’d ever made before.
And I was terrified.
All of the fears I’d been avoiding by sabotaging myself came rushing in. The fear of being seen. The fear of changing. The fear of losing my people. The fear of not being able to handle it. The fear of discovering that money wouldn’t fix what was wrong.
I couldn’t sleep. My anxiety was through the roof. I kept waiting for something to go wrong, for the opportunity to fall apart, for proof that I couldn’t actually handle success.
But nothing went wrong. The work was good. The client was happy. I got paid more than I’d ever been paid for a single project.
And then I had to face what I’d been running from: I’d succeeded financially, and the world didn’t end.
I didn’t become a different person. I didn’t lose my friends. I didn’t get destroyed by the responsibility. I didn’t discover some fundamental brokenness that money couldn’t fix.
I just… had more money. And yes, I still had problems. I was still me, with all my usual struggles. But I also had more breathing room. More options. More stability.
The success I’d been so afraid of wasn’t actually dangerous. The fears my subconscious had been protecting me from weren’t based on reality—they were based on old beliefs and assumptions that had never been tested.
And that realization changed everything. Because if the fears weren’t real, then the sabotage wasn’t protecting me. It was just limiting me.
What I Discovered About Success and Identity
One of the biggest revelations was about identity.
I’d been so afraid that financial success would change who I was fundamentally. That I’d become someone I didn’t recognize or respect.
But success doesn’t change who you are. It just reveals who you are with more resources.
If you’re a generous person, having more money makes you more generous—you can help more people, give more, make a bigger impact.
If you’re a curious person, having more money gives you more freedom to explore your curiosity—to learn, travel, experience new things.
If you’re a creative person, having more money gives you more space to create—to invest in your craft, to take risks, to make things.
Money doesn’t make you a different person. It amplifies the person you already are. It removes constraints. It creates options. It gives you more freedom to be yourself more fully.
I didn’t lose my identity when I started making more money. I actually felt more like myself. Because I wasn’t constantly stressed and restricted by financial limitations. I had room to breathe. Room to think about what I actually wanted instead of just focusing on survival.
And the people in my life? They didn’t resent my success or abandon me. Most of them were genuinely happy for me. They wanted me to do well. They didn’t expect me to stay struggling to prove loyalty to my roots.
The fear that success would cost me my relationships was based on an assumption I’d never questioned: that my worth to my people was tied to my struggle. That if I stopped struggling, I’d stop belonging.
But that wasn’t true. I belonged because of who I was, not because of how much money I made or didn’t make. And the people who truly cared about me wanted me to succeed, not stay stuck.
How Tapping Helped Me Face the Fear of Success
I started using FasterEFT tapping to work through my fear of financial success. And it was challenging because the fear felt so justified. So reasonable.
Of course I should be afraid of success—look at all the ways it could go wrong! Look at all the dangers! Look at all the things I could lose!
But when I started tapping on the fears themselves, something shifted.
I’d tap on “I’m afraid of being seen. I’m afraid people will judge me. I’m afraid of standing out.” And as I tapped, I could feel where that fear lived in my body—usually a tightness in my chest and throat. And I’d focus on that sensation while continuing to tap.
After a few minutes, the physical sensation would start to ease. And with it, the fear would soften. Not disappear, but become less overwhelming. More manageable.
I worked on the fear of losing my identity. “If I make more money, I won’t know who I am anymore. I’ll lose myself. I’ll become someone I don’t recognize.”
Tapping on that fear helped me see how distorted it was. Money doesn’t erase who you are. It’s just a resource. The fear of losing myself was based on old programming, not reality.
I tapped on the fear of outgrowing my people. “If I succeed and they don’t, they’ll resent me. They’ll pull away. I’ll be alone.”
As I worked through this fear, I realized I was projecting. I was the one creating distance by staying stuck. I was the one assuming they couldn’t handle my success. I was the one not giving them a chance to celebrate with me.
I also tapped on the fear of discovering that money wouldn’t make me happy. “What if I succeed and I’m still miserable? What if the problem is me, not my circumstances?”
This fear was particularly deep. But tapping helped me see that happiness isn’t something money gives you or takes away. It’s something you create through how you relate to yourself and your life. And I could work on that regardless of my financial situation.
Over time, the fears started to lose their grip. They were still there—I still felt some nervousness about visibility, about change, about responsibility. But the fears weren’t controlling my behavior anymore. They weren’t driving me to sabotage opportunities.
I could feel the fear and move forward anyway. Because I’d worked through enough of it with tapping that it wasn’t paralyzing anymore.
What Changed When I Could Allow Success
The first big shift was that I stopped sabotaging opportunities automatically.
When a chance to make more money showed up, instead of immediately feeling panicked and finding ways to avoid it, I could pause. Check in with myself. Feel whatever fear was there. Tap through it if needed. And then make a conscious choice about whether to pursue the opportunity.
Sometimes I said yes. Sometimes I said no—but for legitimate reasons, not because of fear-driven sabotage.
I also started to notice the self-sabotage patterns earlier. The procrastination. The vagueness. The creating problems where none existed. When I caught myself doing these things, I could recognize them as fear responses instead of just accepting them as “who I am” or “how I work.”
And that awareness gave me the power to choose differently. To push through the procrastination. To be direct instead of vague. To solve problems instead of creating them.
My income started to grow. Not overnight, and not in a straight line. But the trajectory was different. I wasn’t capping myself anymore. I wasn’t unconsciously keeping myself at a certain level because anything beyond that felt dangerous.
I could take on bigger projects, charge appropriately for my work, follow through on opportunities without sabotaging them halfway through.
And the fears I’d been so convinced would destroy me? They didn’t materialize.
I was more visible, yes. And some people did have opinions about that. But it wasn’t the catastrophe I’d imagined. Most people didn’t care. And the ones who did—their opinions said more about them than about me.
I did change in some ways. I had more confidence. More stability. More peace. But I didn’t become a different person. I was still me, just with more resources and less stress.
My relationships shifted, but mostly in good ways. I could be more generous without resentment. I could help people from a place of abundance instead of scarcity. And the people who truly cared about me were genuinely happy to see me succeed.
The responsibility of managing more money did require me to learn new things. But it wasn’t overwhelming. I figured it out. I asked for help when I needed it. I made some mistakes and learned from them.
And I discovered that making more money didn’t automatically make me happy—but it did create space for me to work on my actual happiness instead of being consumed by financial stress.
Success wasn’t dangerous. The fear of success was what was dangerous. Because it kept me stuck, limited, and operating from scarcity even when I didn’t have to.
The Training That Helped Me Face This Fear
I learned how to work with fear of success through Robert Gene Smith’s Mind Over Money training.
One of the most powerful sections of the program addresses the subconscious fears that keep people from allowing financial success—even when they consciously want it.
Robert teaches that fear of success is often rooted in identity, belonging, and worthiness issues. You’re not afraid of money itself—you’re afraid of what making more money will mean about who you are and how you fit into the world.
The training includes:
- How to identify your specific fears about financial success
- Why self-sabotage is a protection mechanism (not a character flaw)
- How to use FasterEFT to work through the fears systematically
- How to expand your capacity to allow success without triggering sabotage
- How to maintain your identity and relationships while your financial situation changes
Robert walks you through exactly how to use tapping to address each layer of fear so you can pursue opportunities without your subconscious undermining you.
If you find yourself sabotaging opportunities for more money—if you get close to success and then pull back—I highly recommend checking out Mind Over Money [AFFILIATE LINK].
They also offer a free 5-day introduction to FasterEFT [AFFILIATE LINK] if you want to start working with these patterns and see if tapping can help.
You’re Not Afraid of Success—You’re Afraid of What It Means
If you sabotage yourself when opportunities for financial success show up, please know: you’re not lazy. You’re not incapable. You’re not fundamentally flawed.
You’re afraid. And that fear is trying to protect you from something your subconscious perceives as dangerous.
Maybe it’s the visibility that comes with success. Maybe it’s the fear of losing your identity or your people. Maybe it’s the responsibility. Maybe it’s the fear of discovering that money won’t fix everything.
Whatever the specific fear is for you, it’s real. It’s powerful. And it’s running your behavior beneath conscious awareness.
But you can work with this fear. You can identify what you’re actually afraid of. You can question whether those fears are based on reality or on old programming. You can use tools like tapping to release the fear’s grip on your behavior.
You can learn to allow success instead of sabotaging it. You can pursue opportunities without your subconscious undermining you. You can make more money without losing yourself or your people or your values.
The fear of success isn’t permanent. It’s not a life sentence. It’s just old programming that can be updated once you’re willing to look at it directly and work through it.
You deserve to succeed financially. You deserve to pursue opportunities without sabotaging them. You deserve to allow yourself to have what you say you want.
And you can. Starting now.
This post is part of my series on healing your relationship with money. For the complete story, start here: [Money Mindset Blocks: How I Finally Broke Free from Financial Stress and the Belief That I Always Have to Struggle].
If checking your bank account triggers anxiety, read this: [Money Anxiety: Why Checking Your Bank Account Makes You Want to Throw Up].
If you grew up with financial scarcity, read this: [Growing Up Poor: How Childhood Financial Trauma Affects Your Adult Money Story].
If you sabotage financial opportunities, read this: [Why I Self-Sabotage Every Time I Start Making Money (And How I Stopped)].
If you feel guilty spending on yourself, read this: [Money Guilt: Why Spending on Yourself Feels Wrong (Even When You Can Afford It)].
Medical & Professional Disclaimer: I am not a medical doctor, licensed therapist, counselor, or qualified financial professional. The content and information provided throughout this website and within this article are intended strictly for educational and informational purposes only. This material should not under any circumstances be interpreted or utilized as a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, treatment, mental health counseling, or professional financial planning and legal counsel. Always consult with a certified healthcare provider or qualified professional regarding any specific physical, mental, or financial concerns you may have.
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