I was five pounds away from my goal weight when I ate an entire pizza.
Not because I was hungry. Not because I was having a cheat day. I ate it standing in my kitchen, fast and almost angrily, like I was punishing myself for something.
And then I kept going. The next day, I ate things I hadn’t touched in months. The day after that, I skipped my workout. Within two weeks, I’d gained back everything I’d lost. Plus a few extra pounds for good measure.
This wasn’t the first time. It was a pattern I’d repeated so many times I’d lost count.
I’d work so hard to lose weight. I’d be disciplined, dedicated, doing everything “right.” I’d see progress. Feel proud. Get excited as the number on the scale dropped closer and closer to my goal.
And then, right when I was about to succeed, I’d sabotage it. Every single time.
Sometimes it was dramatic—a full-blown binge that undid weeks of progress. Sometimes it was subtle—just “forgetting” to track my food, skipping workouts, telling myself I’d earned a break. But the result was always the same: the weight came back.
I hated myself for it. I’d beat myself up, call myself weak, wonder why I couldn’t just finish what I started. Why couldn’t I just get to the goal and stay there? What was wrong with me?
For years, I thought it was a willpower problem. A character flaw. Proof that I wasn’t capable of change.
But it wasn’t any of those things. Self-sabotage isn’t about weakness or lack of discipline. It’s your subconscious trying to protect you from something that feels dangerous—even if that “something” is actually what you want.
Once I understood what was really happening, everything changed. And I finally broke the pattern that had kept me stuck for decades.
The Pattern I Couldn’t Break
Let me tell you how it would always go.
I’d start a new diet or weight loss program full of hope and determination. This time would be different. This time I’d actually stick with it.
And I would. For weeks, sometimes months. I’d follow the plan perfectly. Meal prep on Sundays. Track every calorie. Say no to tempting foods. Go to the gym even when I didn’t feel like it.
The weight would come off steadily. Ten pounds. Fifteen pounds. Twenty pounds. I’d start feeling good in my body. My clothes would fit better. People would notice and compliment me.
I’d feel proud. Accomplished. Like I was finally proving to myself—and everyone else—that I could do this.
And then, somewhere around the twenty to twenty-five pound mark, something would shift.
I’d start feeling… anxious. Uncomfortable in a way I couldn’t quite name. Like something was off, even though everything was supposedly going right.
I’d catch myself in the mirror and instead of feeling proud, I’d feel exposed. Vulnerable. Like losing weight was making me too visible, and I didn’t know if I was ready for that.
Or I’d have these weird thoughts like, “What if I lose all this weight and I’m still unhappy? Then I’ll know the problem isn’t my body—it’s me. And that’s scarier.”
And then the sabotage would start.
At first, it would be small things. I’d skip a workout because I was “too tired.” I’d have a treat and tell myself I deserved it. I’d stop tracking my food as carefully.
Then it would escalate. A full cheat day. Then a cheat weekend. Then I’d just… stop. Stop trying. Stop caring. Sometimes I wouldn’t even make a conscious decision to quit—I’d just find myself eating the way I used to, moving less, watching the weight creep back on.
And I’d hate myself for it. I’d feel like such a failure. All that work, all that progress, gone. Back to square one. Or worse.
The cruel part? Part of me felt relieved. Like I’d narrowly escaped something dangerous by gaining the weight back. Like I was safe again, even though being overweight was supposedly the thing I was trying to escape.
That’s when I knew something deeper was going on. This wasn’t just about willpower or motivation. This was my subconscious actively working against my conscious goals. And until I figured out why, I was going to keep repeating this pattern forever.
What Self-Sabotage Really Is
Here’s what I learned: self-sabotage isn’t random. It’s not proof that you’re lazy or unmotivated. It’s your subconscious mind trying to protect you from something it perceives as a threat.
Your conscious mind wants to lose weight. It has all the logical reasons: health, confidence, fitting into your clothes, feeling better about yourself.
But your subconscious mind doesn’t operate on logic. It operates on survival. On patterns learned in the past. On deeply held beliefs about yourself and the world.
And sometimes, those beliefs are in direct conflict with your conscious goals.
Maybe your subconscious believes that being thin means being vulnerable to unwanted attention. So it keeps you heavier to protect you.
Maybe it believes that losing weight means you’ll be expected to maintain it forever, and that feels like too much pressure. So it sabotages your progress before you get there.
Maybe it believes that if you lose weight and you’re still unhappy, that proves there’s something fundamentally wrong with you that can’t be fixed. So it keeps the weight on to avoid having to face that possibility.
Maybe it associates weight loss with deprivation and suffering, and it doesn’t want you to suffer. So it pulls you back to old eating patterns that feel like comfort and safety.
These beliefs are usually unconscious. You don’t wake up and think, “I’m going to sabotage my weight loss today to protect myself.” It just happens. You find yourself eating things you said you wouldn’t eat, skipping workouts you planned to do, making choices that undo your progress.
And then you beat yourself up for it, which just reinforces the underlying belief that you’re not capable of change. Which makes the sabotage more likely to happen again.
It’s a vicious cycle. And breaking it requires understanding what your subconscious is actually afraid of.
What I Was Really Afraid Of
It took me a long time to figure out what I was actually sabotaging myself for.
On the surface, I wanted to lose weight more than anything. I’d think about it constantly. I’d feel frustrated and ashamed about being overweight. I’d look at thin people and feel envious. I genuinely, consciously wanted to be smaller.
But when I started digging deeper—when I started asking myself what scared me about losing weight—some uncomfortable truths emerged.
I was afraid of being visible. When I was overweight, I could hide. I could blend into the background. I didn’t have to worry about people looking at me or noticing me. Losing weight meant being seen, and being seen meant being vulnerable to judgment, criticism, or unwanted attention.
I was afraid of expectations. If I lost weight, people would expect me to stay thin. They’d watch what I ate. They’d comment if I gained any back. The pressure to maintain it felt suffocating before I even got there. Staying overweight meant I didn’t have to live up to anyone’s expectations—including my own.
I was afraid of disappointment. What if I did all this work, lost all this weight, and I still didn’t feel the way I thought I would? What if I was still anxious, still insecure, still unhappy? If the problem wasn’t my weight, then what was it? That question terrified me more than staying overweight.
I was afraid of my own success. This sounds weird, but hear me out. If I could lose weight and keep it off, that meant I was capable of change. And if I was capable of changing this, what else could I change? What other areas of my life was I avoiding or making excuses for? Success in one area meant I had to take responsibility for other areas too, and that felt overwhelming.
Part of self-sabotage is fear of how you’ll feel about yourself if you actually succeed. Many people lose weight and discover they still don’t feel good in their bodies—they still see themselves as fat even after the weight is gone. If this resonates with you, read: Body Image Issues After Weight Loss: Why I Still Saw a Fat Person in the Mirror.
And underneath all of that was a deeper belief: I didn’t deserve to be happy or successful. On some level, I believed I was fundamentally flawed, and that losing weight would just expose that flaw more clearly. So I kept the weight on as a kind of shield—something to blame for why my life wasn’t what I wanted it to be.
These weren’t conscious thoughts. I didn’t sit around thinking, “I’m afraid of being visible, so I’m going to eat this pizza.” But when I started tapping and really paying attention to what came up, these were the beliefs that surfaced.
And once I saw them clearly, I understood why I’d been sabotaging myself. My subconscious was trying to keep me safe from these fears. And weight was the tool it used.
The Moment I Almost Succeeded (And Then Didn’t)
I need to tell you about the time I got closest to my goal weight, because it perfectly illustrates what self-sabotage looks like in real time.
I was doing everything right. I’d been following a program for three months, and I’d lost twenty-seven pounds. I felt amazing. Strong. Proud of myself. Confident in a way I hadn’t felt in years.
I was three pounds away from my goal weight. Three pounds.
And then I went to a party. A friend’s birthday. Nothing particularly triggering or stressful—just a normal social event with cake and snacks and people having fun.
I’d been to plenty of parties during those three months without any issues. I’d navigate the food table, choose carefully, enjoy myself without overeating. It hadn’t been a problem.
But this time felt different. I remember standing there with a plate of food, and someone said, “Wow, you look so good! You must be almost at your goal, right?”
And I smiled and said thank you. But inside, I felt a wave of panic.
What happens when I reach my goal? What then? Will I have to maintain this forever? What if I can’t? What if everyone’s watching me now, waiting to see if I gain it back?
The anxiety hit me like a physical weight in my chest. And without even thinking about it, I went back to the food table and started eating. Not just a little. A lot. Cake, chips, pizza, everything I’d been “good” about avoiding.
I remember the whole drive home feeling sick—physically from how much I’d eaten, and emotionally from the shame. I’d worked so hard. I was so close. And I’d blown it.
But I didn’t stop there. Over the next week, I kept eating like that. Like something in me had given up. Like I’d failed anyway, so what was the point?
Within a month, I’d gained back fifteen pounds. And I spent the next several months gaining back the rest, plus more.
Looking back now, I can see so clearly what happened. I got close to success, and my subconscious freaked out. All those fears I mentioned earlier—visibility, expectations, disappointment, responsibility—they all came rushing to the surface at once.
And my subconscious did what it’s designed to do: protect me from perceived danger. Even if that danger was actually success.
How Tapping Helped Me Finally Break the Pattern
The breakthrough came when I started using FasterEFT tapping to address the self-sabotage directly.
Instead of just trying to white-knuckle my way through the urge to sabotage, I started tapping on the fears underneath it.
I’d sit down and tap while saying things like: “I’m afraid of reaching my goal. I’m afraid of what happens after. I’m afraid I won’t be able to maintain it. I’m afraid people will watch me and judge me if I gain any back.”
Or: “I’m afraid that if I lose weight and I’m still unhappy, it’ll prove there’s something wrong with me that can’t be fixed. And that’s terrifying.”
Or: “Part of me feels safer being overweight. Part of me doesn’t want to be visible or have expectations put on me. Part of me wants to hide.”
Just naming these fears out loud while tapping started to shift something. The fears lost some of their power. They became thoughts I could examine instead of unconscious beliefs controlling my behavior.
I also tapped on specific memories of past self-sabotage. Times when I’d been close to success and blown it. Times when I’d felt proud of my progress and then immediately undone it.
As I tapped on those memories, I started to see the pattern clearly. It wasn’t random. It wasn’t weakness. It was protection. My subconscious believed that success was dangerous, and it was trying to keep me safe.
Once I understood that, I could work with it instead of fighting against it.
I started tapping preventatively. When I noticed myself getting close to a goal—not just with weight, but with anything—I’d tap on the fear of success before the sabotage could kick in.
“I’m getting close to my goal and part of me is scared. Part of me wants to pull back. Part of me thinks it’s safer to stay where I am.”
Just acknowledging that fear and tapping through it made all the difference. The sabotage impulse would come up, but it wouldn’t control me anymore. I could see it for what it was—a protective mechanism—and choose differently.
I also worked on the deeper beliefs that were fueling the sabotage. The belief that I didn’t deserve success. The belief that I was fundamentally flawed. The belief that being visible was dangerous.
These weren’t easy to work through. Some of them had roots going back to childhood, to experiences I’d buried and forgotten about. But as I tapped on them, they started to lose their grip.
And slowly, the pattern changed. I started getting close to goals and actually reaching them. The urge to sabotage would still come up sometimes, but it was quieter. More manageable. Something I could tap through instead of something that completely derailed me.
The Training That Taught Me This
I didn’t figure all of this out on my own. I learned it from Robert Gene Smith’s Master Weight Loss Training.
One of the modules is entirely dedicated to self-sabotage—why it happens, what’s really driving it, and how to use FasterEFT to work through it. That module was life-changing for me.
Robert explains the psychology behind self-sabotage in a way that finally made sense. He walks you through how to identify your specific fears and beliefs that are causing it. And then he gives you step-by-step protocols for tapping on those fears and rewiring your subconscious mind.
What I appreciated most was that he didn’t just say, “Stop sabotaging yourself and try harder.” He helped me understand that self-sabotage is a symptom, not the problem. The problem is the underlying beliefs and fears. And once you address those, the sabotage naturally stops.
The training also includes real sessions where Robert works with people on their self-sabotage patterns. Watching those sessions helped me see my own patterns more clearly and understand how to work through them.
If you struggle with self-sabotage—with getting close to your goals and then blowing it—I can’t recommend this program enough. You can check it out here [AFFILIATE LINK].
They also offer a free 5-day introduction to FasterEFT [AFFILIATE LINK] if you want to start with the basics and see if this approach resonates with you.
What Changed When I Stopped Fighting Myself
The biggest shift came when I stopped seeing self-sabotage as the enemy and started seeing it as information.
Every time I felt the urge to sabotage—to skip a workout, to eat something I’d said I wouldn’t eat, to give up on my progress—I’d pause and ask: What am I afraid of right now?
And I’d tap on whatever came up.
Sometimes it was fear of visibility. Sometimes it was fear of expectations. Sometimes it was just general anxiety about change, about stepping into a new version of myself that I didn’t know yet.
But instead of pushing through it or beating myself up for feeling it, I’d just tap through it. Acknowledge it. Let it be there without letting it control my choices.
And the sabotage impulse would soften. Not disappear completely—I’m not going to lie and say I never struggle with it anymore. But it became manageable. Something I could work with instead of something that completely derailed me.
I also started celebrating small successes instead of only focusing on the end goal. Every pound lost. Every workout completed. Every day I chose something nourishing instead of something that would make me feel terrible.
Before, I’d only feel successful when I reached the final goal. And if I didn’t reach it—or if I reached it and then gained the weight back—I’d feel like a complete failure.
But when I started acknowledging progress along the way, the pressure came off. I wasn’t constantly living in this all-or-nothing mindset where anything less than perfection meant I’d failed.
And weirdly, that made it easier to actually reach my goals. Because I wasn’t sabotaging myself out of fear of the pressure of success. The pressure was gone.
I lost thirty-two pounds. And this time, it stayed off. Not because I was more disciplined or because I tried harder, but because I wasn’t fighting myself anymore.
My conscious mind and my subconscious mind were finally on the same page. They both wanted me to succeed. They both believed I was safe enough to succeed.
And that made all the difference.
Signs You’re Sabotaging Yourself (And What to Do About It)
If you’re wondering whether self-sabotage is an issue for you, here are some signs to look for:
You repeatedly get close to your goal and then stop or backslide. This is the classic pattern—making great progress and then undoing it right before you reach the finish line.
You have a lot of “bad luck” when it comes to weight loss. Something always seems to come up right when you’re doing well—a stressful event, a vacation, an injury. It feels like the universe is conspiring against you, but really, you’re unconsciously creating situations that give you an excuse to stop.
You feel anxious or uncomfortable as you lose weight. Instead of feeling purely excited and proud, you feel exposed, vulnerable, or uncertain. Like something about being smaller doesn’t feel quite right.
You start fights or create drama when things are going well. This is a sneaky form of self-sabotage—creating emotional chaos so you have an excuse to eat or skip workouts or give up on your goals.
You downplay your progress or refuse to celebrate it. When people compliment you, you brush it off or change the subject. You don’t let yourself feel proud of what you’ve accomplished.
You set unrealistic goals that set you up for failure. Like deciding to lose twenty pounds in a month, or cutting your calories so low you can’t sustain it. Setting impossible standards is a form of self-sabotage—you get to “try” without actually risking success.
You tell yourself you don’t really care about losing weight anyway. This usually comes up after you’ve sabotaged yourself. “I didn’t really want it that much anyway” is your subconscious trying to protect your ego from feeling like a failure.
If any of these resonate, here’s what I’d suggest:
Start getting curious about what you’re afraid of. Don’t judge yourself for sabotaging. Just ask: What am I protecting myself from by not succeeding?
Try tapping on whatever fears come up. Even if you’re not sure if they’re “real” or “valid,” just tap on them and see what happens. Sometimes the act of acknowledging the fear is enough to take away its power.
Work on the beliefs underneath the sabotage. “I don’t deserve success.” “I’m not capable of change.” “Success is dangerous.” These beliefs are usually running in the background, driving the sabotage. Tapping on them directly can shift everything.
Celebrate small wins along the way. Don’t wait until you reach the final goal to feel proud. Acknowledge every step of progress, even the tiny ones.
Get support. Whether it’s therapy, coaching, a program like the Master Weight Loss Training [AFFILIATE LINK], or just a friend who understands—don’t try to do this alone. Self-sabotage thrives in isolation.
The Truth About Success (That No One Tells You)
Here’s something I wish someone had told me years ago: success doesn’t fix everything.
I spent so long thinking that if I could just lose weight and keep it off, everything would be better. I’d be happier. More confident. More lovable. My life would finally feel the way I wanted it to feel.
And losing weight did change things. I feel better in my body. I have more energy. I’m proud of what I accomplished.
But it didn’t magically fix my life. I still have bad days. I still struggle with anxiety sometimes. I still have insecurities and fears and things I’m working on.
Success—whether it’s weight loss or anything else—doesn’t erase your humanity. It doesn’t make you invincible or perfect or immune to life’s challenges.
And I think, on some level, my subconscious knew that. It knew that reaching my goal wouldn’t fix everything. And part of me was afraid that if I reached the goal and I still wasn’t completely happy, it would mean I was broken in some unfixable way.
So I kept sabotaging myself to avoid having to face that possibility.
But here’s what I learned: you don’t have to be perfect or completely healed or have your entire life together to be worthy of success. Success isn’t the destination where everything gets fixed. It’s just one step on a longer journey.
And you’re allowed to succeed even if you still have other things to work on. You’re allowed to reach your goals even if you still struggle sometimes. You’re allowed to be proud of yourself even if you’re not done growing.
Once I let go of the belief that success had to fix everything, the pressure came off. And ironically, that made it easier to actually succeed.
Because I wasn’t sabotaging myself out of fear that success wouldn’t be enough. I was just… doing the thing. Making progress. Learning and growing and becoming more of who I wanted to be.
And that’s enough. It really is.
You’re Not Broken (You’re Protecting Yourself)
If you’re someone who sabotages yourself, I want you to hear this: you’re not broken. You’re not weak. You’re not failing.
You’re protecting yourself from something that feels dangerous. And even if that “something” is actually what you want, your subconscious doesn’t know that. It just knows it feels scary, and it’s trying to keep you safe.
That’s actually kind of beautiful, if you think about it. Your subconscious is working so hard to protect you, even in ways that seem counterproductive.
The key is learning to work with it instead of fighting against it. Understanding what it’s afraid of. Reassuring it that you’re actually safe. Helping it see that success isn’t dangerous—it’s just different.
And that’s what tapping does. It helps your subconscious update its programming. It helps you release the old beliefs and fears that are keeping you stuck. It gives you a way to move forward without sabotaging yourself every step of the way.
You deserve to reach your goals. You deserve to succeed. You deserve to become the person you want to be.
And you can. Even if you’ve sabotaged yourself a hundred times before, you can break that pattern. I did. And so can you.
This post is part of my series on emotional eating and weight loss. For my complete story, start here: [Emotional Eating & Weight Loss: How I Finally Broke Free After Years of Dieting Failed Me].
If you struggle with eating at night, read this: [Emotional Eating at Night: Why It Happens & How I Finally Stopped].
If you suspect childhood experiences are affecting your weight, read this: [Childhood Trauma Causing Weight Gain: The Connection Doctors Don’t Talk About].
Medical & Professional Disclaimer: I am not a medical doctor, licensed therapist, counselor, or qualified financial professional. The content and information provided throughout this website and within this article are intended strictly for educational and informational purposes only. This material should not under any circumstances be interpreted or utilized as a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, treatment, mental health counseling, or professional financial planning and legal counsel. Always consult with a certified healthcare provider or qualified professional regarding any specific physical, mental, or financial concerns you may have.
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